How many of us have found ourselves in this situation? Most of the relationship seems wonderful. We really love the other person. But, then, the fly in the ointment… There is just that one thing that really gets to us. That one thing that keeps us from really being able to get close. That one thing that, if they would only stop doing… or start doing, the relationship would be perfect.
There is a real sense of powerlessness when you try and struggle and nag and cajole but still can’t get that person to understand how important it is they change!!! We can even end up feeling unloved or unlovable.
I have great news! We are Harmonious Heart Counseling know the secret formula to make that relationship so much sweeter.
Ready??
Stop expecting the other person to change.
Ouch!!
Okay, not what you were hoping to hear. All those intense feelings you’ve been struggling with; anger, frustration, powerlessness, hurt disappointment, despair. They are a direct result of you trying to do the impossible. You can let yourself off the hook.
Picture yourself standing next to a six-story building pushing on it with all your might trying to knock it over. That building is not going to tip over even a little regardless of the strategy you use, the inner strength you apply or the amount of whining you do. That building is not going anywhere. Getting that building to tip over is impossible! The same is true of our partner. We cannot make them to change!
At this point, many of us start to really feel powerless. We begin to question whether we even want to stay in the relationship. It all seems so very hopeless.
Please, let me clarify. Rather than sink into hopelessness and despair, this very realization is the epitome of power and hope. Once you realize there is no way to change the other person, the only person left in the relationship to change is you. And, you have 100% total and absolute power to change yourself.
Yes, you may think to yourself, but I am not the problem. This is true… and it’s not true. Every relationship interaction is a dance between the two you. You may not be able to make the other person learn the dance you want, but you certainly can change the way you dance with them! You are the only person you have the power to change. Think back to the metaphor of trying to tip the building over; an impossible task. However, if you realize you want to tip the building over because you are trying to get to the top floor, you can begin to brain storm other ways to get there. You can take the elevator or the stairs! The solution become easy because you can change!! Voila! You are in control of your own destiny!
I don’t mean to sound insulting because none of us would try to get to the top floor of a building by trying to tip it over. Yet, nearly all of us, at one time or another, have worked as hard as we can to get our partner to change.
At Harmonious Heart Counseling, we can help you find the stairway to the top floor of your relationship. We can teach you strategies to locate and operate the elevator of your own life so you can find your heart truly harmonious, your relationship fulfilling and satisfying.
Whether you come to Harmonious Heart Counseling for Individual or Couples Counseling; whether in person or through a video call, we can help you regain your personal power and hope.